did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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