It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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