we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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