i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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