I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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