:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
