I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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