she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
