so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
