ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
