Can Purell be used as lube?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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