i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
