just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
