Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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