Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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