There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
