This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
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He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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