if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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