sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
