mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
