drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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