Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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