just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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