You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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