I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
