I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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