I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
