Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
