sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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