You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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