This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
