I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
