Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
