I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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