you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Too much gin, very little bucket
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
