Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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