i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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