Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
