Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
