I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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