Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
