I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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