billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
