if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
