Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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