Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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