what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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