it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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