Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
