I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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