mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize