two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
