I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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