my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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