Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
