honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
