is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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