At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
