I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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