I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
