Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
